


I'm lost (and the shadows keep on changing)

by only_more_love



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Double Drabble, Loneliness, M/M, Masturbation, Pining, Post-Civil War (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-26
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-17 23:07:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16105682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/only_more_love/pseuds/only_more_love
Summary: Tony touches himself when he has to.(A double drabble that was written for challenge #502 - "amnesty," at LiveJournal's slashthedrabble.)





	I'm lost (and the shadows keep on changing)

The stupid flip phone doesn’t ring; he never calls the number saved there. Still, Tony keeps it nearby. Always.

On the rare occasions he makes it to his bed, he crashes into sleep, hand curled around the phone’s weighty curves.

Shards of sunlight carve him into consciousness. Luxury sheets scrape his skin like sackcloth, because who knows what kind of bedding Natasha, Wanda, Clint, and Steve have?

He wakes, skin-hungry and alone—always so _goddamned_ alone—

_Language, Tony._

—wanting to feel anything besides barren and tired.

Dusty, unfurnished rooms lie caged beneath his brittle ribs, where once echoed bone-rattling thumps on his back; a secret language between an archer and a red-haired assassin; the stroke of a pencil wielded by a super soldier with artist’s fingers, and laughter.

Tony touches himself when he has to. When biology betrays him.

(There’s no one left to touch him.)

He fucks his fist to the cadence of vibranium smashing into his faceplate and his armor's arc reactor. Against his closed lids’ red-gold darkness flash wintry eyes that hold a drop of green.

Phone over his heart.

White in his mind.

White on his stomach.

Salt at his cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” on his parched lips.

 

**Author's Note:**

> The title's borrowed from Poe's [Haunted](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XT-L_ee5L3w). Please go listen to the song, even if this ficlet didn’t do it for you. Here’s a [link to the lyrics](https://genius.com/Poe-haunted-lyrics), too. 
> 
> Thank you for reading. <3 Feedback, kudos, etc. are always welcome. You can find me at [tumblr](http://onlymorelove.tumblr.com). :)
> 
> This story is part of the [LLF Comment Project](https://longlivefeedback.tumblr.com/llfcommentproject), which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:
> 
>   * Short comments
>   * Long comments
>   * Questions
>   * Constructive criticism
>   * “<3” as extra kudos
>   * Reader-reader interaction
> 

> 
> This author replies to comments.
> 
> Please note: 
> 
> If you don’t want a reply from me, for ANY reason, please feel free to sign your comment with “whisper” and I will appreciate it but not respond. :)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] I'm lost (and the shadows keep on changing)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17648867) by [only_more_podfucs (only_more_love)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/only_more_love/pseuds/only_more_podfucs)




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